The 10 Commandments of Dating

By Corinne Innis

Social desirability has little to do with body weight, height or God given looks. In this arena it’s all about presentation. Finding love can at times seem like finding a needle in a haystack. For some people it is as easy as breathing. This has very little to do with luck, but more to do with how they interact with people. Successful daters are people who not only have great social skills but are good at many tools used by top salesman. They are able to quickly generate interest, listen intently, inform, and close the deal with a smile. If done well, a person is engaged in a friendly conversation and is not the object of a well-crafted sales pitch.

No matter what you look like, you can package yourself in a way that people will be more receptive to getting to know you.  Here are 10 commandments to follow to increase your chances of being successful at finding love:

1. Be Interesting- Ask yourself if you have an interesting personality. What kinds of books or articles do you read? What clubs or organizations do you belong to? What makes you unique? If your life is mundane it may be projected when someone asks, “So, tell me a little about yourself.”

2. Have Self-confidence- Want the key to the city? Then straighten your back and walk into a room as though you are a person that everyone must meet. Whatever hardships or setbacks you have had are irrelevant when you meet a stranger. They only know what you project.

3. Groom thy self- Yes, singles don’t have to look like Naomi Campbell, Angelina Jolie, or Tom Cruise. But you absolutely must be well groomed. If your teeth have coffee stains, get them whitened. If you have a comb-over, cut your hair very low or just go for a bald look.  Remember, this is sales. You don’t want to sell the fact that you don’t care about basic grooming. Your clothing should show that you have good taste at any price range. Your clothing can help you to look mysterious and interesting. A hip pair of shoes is never a bad thing.  It can transform a jeans and blazer combo. Presto!

4. Exude positive energy- Conversations should be upbeat, not contentious. One should project happiness. We are attracted to sunshine, not clouds and thunder storms.

5. Be a good listener- By listening well, we create intimacy. It is the most important part of any conversation.  People who are charismatic tend to be good listeners.

6. Be fun- Bring lots of smiles and laughter with you. We all want to hang out with people who enjoy life.  

7. Be flexible- Be easy to be with, be part of the solution, be helpful and show a generosity of spirit. If the evening is raining lemons, quickly pull out a pitcher and make lemonade.

8. Be honest- Be a straight shooter. Always tell the truth. The heart says, “If I can trust you, I can love you.” Lying and cheating in matters of love is like pouring ink in a well that one plans to drink from.

9. Do no harm- If you are angry at or afraid of the opposite sex, it may be tempting to employ defensive tactics where there is no battle.  If you walk through the world with a commitment to do no harm to any living being, the love arena improves. Karma is like a boomerang: what goes around comes around!  

10. Vary locations- Bars and clubs are fun, but so are film history classes, workshops, and volunteer opportunities. When it comes to finding love, where you go is as important as what you are looking for. Intimate, interactive settings allow you to get to know people indirectly without the on-the-spot pressure of singles events.

There are no hard fast rules when it comes to dating and trying to find love.  Singles can work at it the way that one prepares or a job interview or a marathon. In life, success is based on lots of preparation and being in the right place at the right time. When we present ourselves well, love is not like finding a needle in a hay stack.  It is like holding a magnet in front of it and waiting for the needle to emerge. Cheers!